A TRUE APOLOGY

Ouch !  Ever need to give an apology or hoping for one from someone else. HEre are the 3 components of a true apology:

 

1.  They (or you) say: “I’m Sorry.”

2.  Promise never to do it again (if you or they say “I’ll try not to do it again – there’s no commitment.)

3.  They (or you) ask “What can I do to make it up to you?”

 

I’ve learned it is not so important that the other person accept the apology. I now know it is important for me. So that I can be m highest self. It’s not a weakness to apologize. It’s a strength.

Besides you lighten up when you apologize. So, go ahead lighten the load, gain power and self-respect. If a voice inside of you is telling you it’s the right thing to do – it’s the right thing to do.

DESTINY AND CHOICE

Hi,

I’m back with more of my favorite quotes I’ve collected over the years. Ready? Because here we go.

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DESTINY AND CHOICE. If you meet with obstacles, you try to overcome them. You fix what you need to fix to reach what you believe is your goal. If you still can’t fix it, if you’re hitting a wall, it probably means you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Change careers. Change direction. You’re meant to be doing something else.
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REJECTION: A divine gift relieving you from where you no longer belong.
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EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE WILL DECIDE IF SOMEONE IN THE WORLD WILL CELEBRATE OR CRY
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Every foreign land is someone’s homeland. Come and go in peace and in friendship.

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Met my husband-to-be, fell in love and began the long agonizing task of ruining my life.
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A calling is what gets you out of bed in the morning.
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“The struggle is my life.”    Nelson Mandela

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The job isn’t to catch up to the status quo. The job is to invent the status quo.

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Keep on using me until you use me all up

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Turn pain into purpose

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He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

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The spirit guides draw to us what is earned.

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One thing about getting older: you know that so many moments weren’t just moments, they were gifts.

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It’s okay not to be okay

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Hurt people hurt people

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In my world there will be no semi-colons. Seems indecisive doesn’t it. Either be a period or a comma but make up your mind.

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If you remember the 1960’s you definitely weren’t there.

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Enjoy.

Wendy

DESPITE DISSILUSIONMENTS CONTINUE TO DREAM – Quotes to increase your greatness.

AreSuccess Quote- reality checks

Over the years whenever I hear a saying or quote that moves me (up or down) I write it down. Here are some of them:

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ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A MISTAKE IS A CHANCE FOR GROWTH

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EACH OF US HAS A PICURE OF OURSELVES IN OUR IMAGINATIONS. That “self-image” is similar to a thermostat in a room. It sets the standard at which you will function.  YOU WILL NEVER CONSISTENTLY RISE HIGHER THAN THE IMAGE YOU HAVE OF YOURSELF AND YOU WILL NEVER  ACCOMPLISH THINGS THAT YOU DO NOT FIRST SEE YOURSELF ACCOMPLISHING.

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DESPITE DISILLUSIONMENTS CONTINUE TO DREAM

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 “PRESSURE IS NOT KNOWING WHERE YOUR NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM” Shaq O’Neal

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I am equipped with everything I need

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The tragedy isn’t that you’re going to die. the tragedy  is that you live this way.

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Shame holds you back and forgiveness takes you forward.

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There is some good in the worst of us and some bad in the best of us. When we discover this we are less prone to hate our enemies.”    Martin Luther King, Jr.

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From the Cold War comes the saying: Trust but verify.

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EVERY ADVERSITY HIDES SOME GIFT

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You can’t break something that’s already broken

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SOMETIMES WISDOM IS KNOWING WHAT TO IGNORE

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The power of every human being is what to do with their soul.

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You can’t keep doing this to a heart. Yu can’t keep expecting your heart to pull through.

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Are all my trains going in the wrong direction

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“Where are your wounds>” God asked.

“I have no wounds,” I answered.

“No wounds?”

“No.”

“Was there nothing worth fighting for.”

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If you can help, you must help.

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Some of us are born to greatness, the rest of us are born to fill out the bell curve.

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JUST BECAUSE YOU WALK OUT OF THE MOVIE, DOESN’T MEAN THE MOVIE IS OVER

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I must not confuse my hopes with my analysis

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Change is inevitable but growth is optional.

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Everyone has to forgive themselves for having a past.

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What you run from you run into.

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Positive change: Picking up your own mess.

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What was meant as harm, I will use to my advantage.

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I was never created to be average. I was created to be the head not the tail.

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OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT DETERMINE MY DESTINY

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I am a victor not a victim

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My freedom is hard won.

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Never put a question mark where the universe has put a period

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Make yourself worthy of the journey

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Shake it, but don’t break it, cuz it took your mama nine months to make it

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Never for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience or convictions

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There is a better way to do it. Find it !  Thomas Edison

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I have a lifetime of being a curious person

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When you see things, you can’t unsee them

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Do you like these?  More to come next time

Wendy Stebbins

TEHNIQUE OF THE DAY: Pick one quote. Put it on your bathroom mirror, your car dashboard, in your face and say it daily week. What happens?

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AUTOMATIC SUCCESS: PRINCIPLE: MAKE PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT

People’s greatest biological need is to feel important. It isn’t to be important. It is to feel important. This is an instant “in your face”, “good karma coming your way” principle that is often overlooked.

How do you do it?  First stop talking about your self. Nobody cares how great you are. In Africa, I teach my street orphans. If you say “Hello” to someone it makes them happy. If you also say their name it makes them feel important. And people who feel important will give you votes, diamonds and whatever else you want. Plus what goes around comes around – tenfold.

People love to talk abut themselves. So, ask them about something. Anything that is in their world, that they are wearing, about the history of the town, anything. Then do what is called the two question rule. This makes a good conversationalist because you have to listen to the first answer in order to know what to follow up with.

TECHNIQUE OF THE DAY:  TWO QUESTION RULE.  Ask the person a question, then ask the a second question based on their answer. It shows you are listening. Keep it going.

And never to develop a conversation, never ask a question that can be answered “yes” or “No” because you have nowhere to go from their answer.  Always start with a “What, where, who, or how” question.

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

P.S. I learned this and other principles from Jack Canfields books such as “Success Principles”.

SUCCESS TIP: It’s All About Your E N E R G Y ! You draw to you what you are !

Hi,

Bring great energy and success to you. You can increase your succcess big time !

So, today I was sitting at the huge, glorious Milineum Park in Chicago watching and listening to The Chicago Symphony Orchestra rehearing for their evening concert. Except it was about m y worst day ever. i was depressed, reviewing my problems in Africa where I have an NGO I AM ONE IN A MILLION. Thinking about my problems in Zambia, my personal problems and really as low as I could go, trying to see think what I could change, what I couldn’t, what part was luck, what part was me.

Picture about 200 people spread out under the sun where that evening about 11,000 people would be watching the concert. Suddenly, a young girl with a camera, sunglasses and a smile appeared. She said “Hi”. I said “Hi” back.  She stared at me. She smiled. And she stayed right in front of me. Strange I thought but I smiled back. The orchestra kept rehearsing.

“May I have permission to take your picture?” she asked.”

“I beg your pardon?” I asked

“May I take your picture?” she asked again.

\”Sure,” I said. “What is this for?”

“It’s for a photography class I’m taking at MaGill University.”   Just so you know, McGill is one of the most prestigious schools in the country.

She snapped about 100 pictures with the orchestra on stage as a backdrop, like I was watching them.

She did a video of me, asking me questions like, do I come there often or was this my first time, what was my age, what do I do, etc.  The only problem was the sun was at 12 Noon overhead and the pictures weren’t clear. I suggested we move to a shadier place which we did. “This is very kind of you to go to all this trouble.”

“I’m happy to do this,” I said as we walked. She snapped about 100 more pictures. Then she told me I would be on McGill University.com in no more than a week.

I asked “Why did you pick me out of all these crazy people to record?”

“It was your energy.”

Little did she know how low I had been. Not suicidal, but whatever comes before that. What does that mean. Even on a bad day I have more good energy than 200 people at their best?

I get lots of free things, lots of notice, lots of opportunities and advancement because of my energy. Life isn’t all about graduating from Harvard Law School. A lot of luck is ENERGY.

How do you get it? Keep watching this sight, learn new habits, take the outer brown layers off your tender onion called ego, and be yourself. Most people aren’t themselves. But this blog site is designed to get at your source. Your soul. You can’t try to give off good energy because it is an inside job.

Keep coming back, keep working on the parts of yourself you don’t see or understand and stop talking about yourself. Be curious about other people.

TECHNIQUE FOR THE DAY: Keep repeating: It is in losing myself that I find myself.

ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together).

 

Wendy

 

Google Millineum Park Chicago. It is a sight to see. I don’t know how to put it on here yet. I didn’t say I had brains. I said I have good energy.

 

WRITE YOUR EPITAPH NOW ! No kidding !

Hi,

I’ve seen a phenomenon I hope you will avoid. Write your epitaph now. When we are young we have dreams. Then we get caught up in life and get to the 50’s, 60’s even 70’s . . . look back and . . . “What? I forgot to make my dreams come true.” Or you forgot to sit down and think how you wanted to leave this planet. Okay, if you don’t have dreams, or goals, are a wait and see kind of person. More power to you. But most people have SOMETHING in them that needs to be said or done.

So, please don’t become one of those when you are older saying you had “missed opportunities” or regrets.  This is in YOUR control.

TECHNIQUE OF THE DAY: For a day  – two at the most – think about what you want said about you when you die. Sound morbid? Not meant to be. It’s meant to be a wake-up call. After two days MAX –  sit down and write your epitaph. What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want to have accomplished? And be specific. If you say you want to help with world peace, that is too general, you have no plan, you are not moving forward, you are not making it happen. Even a little goal for now towards that matters and is really enough. Like making a decision to look everyone in the eye you meet and smile, say “Hi” – without looking at your text. May not seem like a big thing to you but years ago someone did that for me when I was as low as I could go. It mattered.If we all put out that energy it is enough. But we have to be specific. If you say you want to be a better person. Well, how? Name one thing you will do starting today, some little thing that moves you in that direction and creates a better habit in you. Voila and congratulations!  You make a difference in others lives by making differences in your own life. As within so without.

THEN BEGIN – one step at a time but MAKE IT HAPPEN. ONE STEP, ONE BREATH, ONE LITTLE UNDISTRACTABLE GOAL AT A TIME.

Even if you get run over by a truck next week, you would have been on your way to somewhere. 🙂

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

NOW IS THE TIME TO HABITUATE SUCCESSFUL PROVEN TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS :

Hi,

Happy Day, night or in between wherever you are.

You don’t have to be the sharpest tack on the bulletin board to be successful, but you have to know how to work SMART.

Implement the 4 D’s as a habit:

The 4 D’s: EVERYTHING that comes your way, do one of 4 things: 

Delay it

Delegate it

Dump It       or

Do it

 

Just get in the habit of this with everything – personal or professional. For example, if you don’t delegate you can’t grow. But be sure you don’t have idiots you are delegating to or you will shrink instead of grow.

Even in your personal life. For example, in my personal life, when I get a bill in the mail box (which is rare anymore. I think we all auto pay), I immediately get out the checkbook and PAY IT.  Then I file the bill marked paid. What’s the big deal; about that, Wendy? It IS a big deal. It is done. I don’t have clutter around. (Clutter is one of the biggest stressors of all time and most people don’t know that).  I don’t have to set an hour aside once a month to pay my bills (what a way to spend a precious hour – UGH!) And most importantly, I have self-respect for being disciplined, responsible and accountable. 

It could be that you decide to “Do” something you could have “Delegated” but for YOUR well thought out reason. For example, you may choose to clean your house rather than have a house cleaner but you are doing it because the physicality of it relaxes you and it’s therapeutic. Fine. Do it. But know WHY you are doing it yourself and make it something YOU are in control of. More power to you. When you finish your house, if you need more therapy, please come to my house. You are always welcome.  Sometimes when you are starting out a business, for example, you must do everything yourself because you don’t have the money to hire help. Hillary and Bill Clinton had that experience when he was running for the presidency the first time. They had some help but had to do a lot of what I call the “grunt” work themselves. The second time around, not so. (I guess you could say, he sometimes grunted, but in the wrong place with the wrong person! Bad joke).

Never be afraid to be who you are and know why you are the way you are. 

TECHNIQUE OF THE DAY:

Keep a note card in front of you, put it on your I-PAD your screen saver: 4 D’S: Delay it, delegate it, dump it or DO IT NOW!

And right NOW  please, p l e a s e, P L E A S E ! click me a “like” or make a comment(even a negative one). I am trying to get a literary agent to get my memoir published “It’s Hell In The Hallways But I’m Beginning To See The Light”. I need to show a following it. You are part of that. Thank you.

 

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

ANGER NOW: WHAT IT IS SAYING

As you read in my long anger blog, it is a secondary emotion and I gave you tips now to gain control NOW AND FOREVER.

HERE IS WHAT ANGER IS SAYING:  “Why can’t you be more like me”.  Next time you get angry or someone else does, think of this sentence and see what it does for your growth. Not the growth of your anger !!!!!!   Your personal growth.

 

Comments p l e a s e  !!!!!!

Thanks,

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

 

Wendy

HOW TO GET RID OF WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK

POWER POINT:   How To Spot The Energy Drainers vs. Energy Givers

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think “What’s wrong with me?”

That’s the wrong question? The right question is “Whose wrong for me?”  Wow!  that puts a new spin on things doesn’t it?  While you may have some qualities you want to change about yourself, you are fine, you are perfect. One of the single most limiting situations to keep a person from their greatness is who they are around. Who you hang around with is who you become”. 

You think “I know so-and-so is an energy drainer but I have learned to ignore him.” Oh, yeah, but the energy you have to use to ignore him could be spent propelling you toward your greatness.

How do you spot the energy givers(eg) and energy drainers (ed)?

Make 3 columns down a sheet of paper.

Fist column: Make a list of all the people in your life. Even the guy who makes your decaf skim latte at Starbucks on your way to work, the guy who parks your car, who cleans your house.

Next to your list quickly without thinking put a check in the second column next to everyone who is a drainer. If they are in between, they are a drainer because they don’t help propel you toward improvement and success.

In the third column put an “x” next to each person who is an energy giver.

Now look at your list. Some surprises? WELCOME TO MY WORLD !Some clumps of people in a certain area of your life? Some family members  – ouch !

NEWSFLASH:  One energy drainer is more detrimental, victimizing and limiting to you than 100 people who are energy givers. An energy giver will make you feel like you are floating (or being propelled) through the day. You will accomplish more with less effort in less time. To the extent you can, get rid of the energy drainers and fill your life with energy givers or you are at a competitive disadvantage in business, you cannot have peace of mind and success in your personal life and your health will adversely be affected sooner or later.

Learn assertive skills and how to say “no”. You’ll feel guiilty for saying “no” at first because you’re changing your cultural myth. But like gas it will pass. It’s just part of the process.  If you “just can’t hurt someone else” at your expense (by the way) or are concerned about approval, get some short-term professional help (and I don’t mean a cleaning lady here! Unless they’re a head cleaner). The next time you feel you are with a drainer ask yourself “How long am I going to be dead?” (by Wayne Dyer) and move on to “life giving” people. They’re out there.

A few months ago I was part of an audience. After the speech, the speaker came up to me and said “I fed off your energy.” To myself I thought What? He must be a real dependent person, needing someone outside himself to energize him.  A few weeks later I met a man who somehow gave me so much energy just by being who he is. From just having been around this man for a few hours, the whole next week, I floated through work. . . easily accomplishing more in a one day than I had in years. I finally knew what the speaker had meant. I had never felt like that before.  How limiting my world was and I didn’t even know it.

 Are you an energy drainer or energy giver? Take note, because you also affect the people in your life . . . children, friends, family, co-workers and employees. Remember productive change is what it’s all about in the 21st century. MAKE CHANGES in people, places and things as appropriate. Or at least have a plan to be moving in that direction and start the process.

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CHANGE ALWAYS DEMANDS A TEMPORARY

SURRENDER OF SECURITY

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Comments p l e a s e  .  Thank you.

Wendy

YES BUT . . . OOOOOOOH how you are holding yourself back and probably don’t know it.

Hi,

YES BUT . . .

How often do you say “Yes. But . . . ” when someone gives you a compliment, says something positive?  How often do you think “I have a lot of talent but . . . “?

“You look good today,” someone says .

You answer “Yes, but , I’ve got to lose some weight.”

“I like your blog, someone says.

“Yes, but I should spend more time on it,” you answer

“You are such a positive person,” someone says to you

You think “Yes but, I have a lot of problems”.

NEWS FLASH:  Every time you say – or think – “yes, but  . . . ”  you erase everything that came before the BUT. Non-negotiable. You are adversely affected. YOU ARE HOLDING YOURSELF BACK FROM BEING YOUR FABULOUS SELF.  Again –  for the record – non-negotiable.  IT is an unconscious thing the brain interprets.

TECHNIQUE OF THE DAY:  PUT A PERIOD BEFORE THE BUT. Even if you don’t believe it.

“I like your blog.”  PUT A PERIOD BEFORE THE BUT.

All you can say is “thank you.”. Then shut your mouth and put a period before the BUT.

Please let me know how this works. Perhaps ask someone to tell you when you do this. Actually, you probably won’t be able to talk for awhile when you start realizing how often you say – or think – “Yes but . . . “.

You can even have fun with the compliment and say “Thank you. I agree.”  I mean like the Russian Proverb goes “If a dog doesn’t wag his tail who will.”  Haha. Have a good one, no buts about it.

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy Stebbins